Somebody Always Has it Worse and I May Be That Guy

I’ve had a string of bad luck since I returned home from wintering in Florida.  It all happened in a 3 week period starting at the end of March. 

First, there was the colitis flare up that hit me the day after getting home.  My bowels had pretty much been behaving themselves while in Florida and I had made it thru the long drive home without shitting my pants.  But then some bloody diarrhea hit me for a few days.  It’s always unnerving to see the toilet bowl full of crimson red fluid.  Luckily, it only lasted about a week until I could get it under control.

Biking the Florida Panhandle

This was my 5th year riding the Bike Florida week long tour. I was looking forward to this ride as it was going to a part of Florida that I enjoy – the rolling hills of the panhandle and the genteel laid back gulf coast. I was also going to some new places that I had always wanted to go to; Apalachicola and St Georges Island. It was to be a big loop ride starting and ending in the small town of Monticello; which is about 20 mile east of Tallahassee.


Monticello

I got to Monticello on Saturday morning. I remembered it from 2 years prior when I had stopped there on a previous tour. It has the County Court house right is the middle of the small town rotary.

I camped in the ball field behind the high school. It was a nice warm sunny day with some slight humidity. I was able get into shorts and a tee shirt. It was a nice to jump into summertime weather. When I set my tent up I noticed that one of my tent poles was cracked at the joint. This set a slight panic in me as I needed to use my tent for the next week and it would not work with a broken pole. I tried to figure out what to do. I first thought I could join it with a nail, but that didn’t work. After about an hr of nervous panic, I had the idea for a sleeve. I went to find a hardware store and got a ½” piece of copper tubing about 6 inches long with electrician’s tape to act as a sleeve over the broken joint. A $2 fix and it worked perfectly all week! The panic subsided and I decided to go for a ride. I went on a 34 mile loop ride north of Monticello. It was the first outdoor riding I had done in several weeks. It felt good. I did the longest route to get my legs and butt used to riding. I rode for awhile with John from Tennessee. He was my age, a nice guy, and rode my pace. John had broken his hip last year on this ride when he fell from hitting a crack in the road. He had to call is wife in Tenn. to come get him. It was such a fleeting moment. I finally dropped him on a flat and cruised back into town. The ride was the most serious riding I had done since last fall but I felt good. I ended up meeting my friends Larry and Jack, from Alabama, as they were just pulling into the school at around 3:30 pm. Larry looked a little thinner. He had been sick and not riding much. He had also retired at age 53 and was enjoying his retirement. Before dinner I walked 2 blocks into town. They had a beer garten set up for the bikers in the court yard of the local theater. I had a cold draft beer while sitting in the sun. It was a nice start to my vacation.

I had an uneventful dinner of some pasta. We had the riders meeting in the auditorium, which was getting worse ever since TJ left as rider director. Afterwards, I went back to the beer garten with quite a few of the other bikers. They had a band playing for us. It was crowded so I stayed a few minutes and then walked back to my tent.

Quincy

It was Sunday morning and I headed out alone. It was cool in the morning with partly sunny skies. I was a little late getting going. I had to lug my gear quite a ways to get it to the luggage trucks in the front of the school. We headed out west of town. I rode alone for most of the way. Saw and passed of cyclists along the way.

I was cruising pretty well at 17-18 mph. The route went thru several back roads and I saw some pretty country side. As I recall, it was about 65 miles to Quincy. I was a little fatigued when I got there at about 1:30 pm. We were camped in the Quincy High School. I chose a nice flat site near Bubba’s group. I set my tent up and went for a ride into town to get lunch. Quincy was quite large; something like the size of Westbrook, Maine. It was a Sunday and everything was closed except one little downtown restaurant. I saw my friend Larry sitting outside eating with two girls and another guy. This is when I first met Diane and Cathy from Charlestown, SC. They were both in their early 40’s. Diane was a dark brunette and Cathy was a dirty blond. Also met Rob (from Atlanta), who would “coon dog” Diane all week. Larry had just met them on the ride.  I ate inside as I didn’t want to interrupt the two guys and girls. I had an ok buffet lunch and sat with a couple from CT, who were on the ride for the first time. For dinner, I had to wait 90 minutes in line for a cheap pasta meal served by idiots. It was the worse meal experience ever. I had gas all night from the meat loaf from the lunch buffet. Earlier in the afternoon, when I was leaving the restaurant, Diane asked me what I had lunch and I told her, the meatloaf. She said, “you’re gonna have gas all night”. She was right.

Blountstown

I got up early to eat breakfast so I wouldn’t have to wait in another monster line. It was an uneventful ride to Blounstown. I think it was 40 miles. We stopped at Torreva State Park on the way. Torreva is a type of pine tree. It was a very rough road into the park. So rough that I thought I would break a spoke. The park had a nice rest stop and an old plantation house that was on the Apalachicola River. The house was down a long hill so it was a climb to get up. Because of this, not too many went down to the house.

After the state park, there was a hot stretch of desolate road. I rode alone. I passed a few lone riders and had a pace line blow by me. It was too hot to ride fast. I finally got off the lonely road and arrived into Blountstown. We were camped in at the middle school. I was one of the first to arrive. It took me a while to select a site as I didn’t want to be in the sun and not in a low spot. There were also lots of ant hills on the property. I ended up moving my test a couple of times until I found a good spot. I then rode into town to get lunch. I ate at a Burger King and sat with a guy from Daytona who worked at NASA. His name was Chris. He was Spanish and was tough to understand. I would see him on the ride over the next two days. I cleaned up and then walked into town later to get a beer. It was nice and hot. I wore shorts and sandals. Dinner was uneventful, served by the local school booster club. I recall that we had scalloped potatoes, which were good. I was anxious to do something that night and decided to go to Bubba’s Karaoke Night. Bubba, who ran a tent renting service, had rented a K of C hall outside of town and was having karaoke for his group of campers, but everyone was invited. It was to start at 7 pm and a bus was picking us up. There were about 25 of us waiting for the bus. I was surprised there was so few people. While waiting in line for the bus, I met Julie, Morgan, and Harold. Julie was from Orlando. She looked to be my age, slender with black hair pulled back in a bun. Morgan was from Kentucky. She had brown hair and a great personality. Harold was a young guy from Connecticut.  They were talking about last years ride and it came back to me that I had ridden with them last year to Cedar Key when we all got drenched in the hail storm. Morgan and Julie said they remembered me. Morgan said she had pictures of me with my clothes off while we were in a motel room drying off from the storm. It could have been true. I recall a group of us taking shelter at a motel and stripping out of wet bike cloths to dry off.

I ended up having a blast with them. The Karaoke machine didn’t have all the components, so Bubba started some dance music. I was first onto the floor with Julie, who was really good and had taken lessons. I ended up dancing till 11 pm with Julie and Morgan. Morgan had a blast as I showed her how to Two Step, Waltz, and Zydeco. The karaoke parts finally showed up at 11 pm and people got a chance to do some singing. It was hilarious. Bubba made just about everyone sing. Only about 8 of us stayed till the end. It was a very fun evening.

Apalachicola

I left Blounstown at 7:30 am to ride the century (100 miles) with Larry. We had set it up the day before while I was waiting to go to Bubba’s party. Larry told me he couldn’t do an 18 mph pace like we did a few years ago in St Augustine. I told him that was ok and that I’d ride his pace. Larry said his friends (Cathy and Diane) were having breakfast in town and he’d like to catch up with them, if possible. We left Blounstown riding south at 18-19 mph. We rode a fast pace for the first 20 miles. It was warm, but cloudy. We rode through some nice rolling farmland. We picked up Chris who was riding alone. We were doing 18-20 mph and riding a good pace line. We cruised into the 1st rest stop (the century had its own loop / route at the start and would rejoin the main ride at mile 40). Larry asked if anyone had passed thru yet and they said two girls and a guy had just come thru. Larry figured that must have been Cathy, Diane, and Rob. So Larry says “let’s go and catch them”. So we headed out and started riding 20 mph. We got some pretty good tail winds and end up riding 24-26 mph. When we left the rest stop we picked up but 4-5 other riders, who were riding our wheels. It was still Larry, me, and Chris doing the pulling. Chris started to fade. I told Larry that I couldn’t hold this pace for 60 miles. I looked back and we had dropped every one. So much for a couple 50 yr old’s holding back. We did the next segment at this pace and then slowed a bit after mile 40. That’s when it started raining. It came down steady for a while just as we came into the third rest stop. I decided not to put on a rain coat. I was soaked but warm. The rain let up a bit and we just rode a more relaxed pace (16-17 mph) towards Sumatra. We had a slight head wind.

We got to Sumatra, which was just a stop in the road with 2-4 buildings. One of them was a restaurant that was our planned lunch stop. The restaurant was putting on a Fried Chicken dinner just for us. It was the best fried chicken I’ve ever had.

I tried not to eat too much because we had 40 miles to go. Cathy, Diane, and Rob were already there. They were just finishing up when we rode in. Cathy decided to stay with us and wait for Larry. I could tell that she had a real bad crush on Larry. She was holding onto and hugging him all thru lunch. We headed out after lunch and our route took us thru the Apalachicola National Forest. The road had a rough surface but it was a straight line for 30 miles. We rode a pace line with Larry, Cathy, and then me. We did 6 minute pulls. We each did 12 pulls. We had a very stiff headwind all the way. It was tough pulling into the head wind. Each pull was a chore. We were riding at 16 mph. Cathy was a strong rider, but only pulled for 3 minutes at a time (said her computer wasn’t working). It was boring riding – nothing but pine woods on both sides for 30 miles. The only highlight was staring at Cathy’s back side for 3 minutes when she did a pull.

Once we got to the coast we had 20 mph winds. It was really unsettled weather. It was first a cross wind for about 3-4 miles into Eastpoint. The route then headed due south across a 4.2 mile bridge to St. Georges Island. It turned sunny on the bridge but the wind was the worst I’ve ever experienced. We’re on the bridge cranking in the high gears and only doing 6-7 mph on the flat. Drafting was useless. It took 30 mins to cross the 4.2 miles. Then we turned around and had a great ride with the tail wind. We were averaging 30 mph with the wind at our backs. We made it back across in 5 min. We had to cross another bridge to get to Apalachicola. We had a very bad cross wind that kept buffeting us. I had to really hold onto the handle bar to keep from being blown over. We made it across but saw a biker down on the bridge just as we came into town. The rider had hit a sign and went down. He looked pretty cut up and bruised. I was glad the ride was over. It was my first century of the season and I felt pretty good. Just after that, they shut the ride down due to the high winds and loaded everyone in trucks and hauled the bikers into Apalachicola.

Apalachicola was a small sleepy little fishing town. It’s the oyster fishing capital of the world where 90% of the FL oysters come from here. It looked like something out of Forest Gump.

It had a small main street with nice small homes close by. We were camping in the city park near the water. It was still pretty windy with gray skies. I setup in a remote corner on a small knoll. Some locals came by and told us that they were expecting some heavy rain and thundershowers. They told us that parts of the park flood when it rains hard. I could see big storm drains in the middle of the park. It made we think about moving my tent. Some did. Then the police came by with bull horns telling us there was a tornado warning until 9 pm. They said there would be heavy thundershowers, rain, and high wind. Great. They suggested we all go to a shelter. This made me move my tent up to higher ground next to a group from Cycle Logistics. I then took my clothes, sleeping gear, and bike to the Catholic Church hall that was 2 blocks away.

I spent the night there sleeping on the floor with 50 other people. It was kind of fun. I told some people that this would make a good story to tell the folks back home. Over time, the story would probably grow to an epic storm of the century. One guy said, yeah it will be like the stories I told about Vietnam; “There I was, ankle deep in grenade pins. All I had was a Swiss army knife, dead bodies everywhere, and we all made it out alive!” Then one guy started in on all the meds he takes. He showed us his pill case which was extensive. It made one guy ask about Viagra. Another answered that he takes Cialis (the one with the 4 hr erection warning). Said his wife waits till it’s been 3:58 mins before she calls the Dr. Also, said if he goes over 4 hrs, then he advertises on Ebay!. It was a fun night. My tent was fine; no wind, just thunder and lighting and a little rain.

Apalachicola – Day 2

This was a lay over day with a ride out to St Georges Island, which is 4.2 miles off the mainland. It was a nice day, sunny and in the 70’s. The wind had subsided. I headed out with Matt from Maine at 8:30 am. The bridges were much easier than they had been the day before. There was lots of glass on the bridges so I rode more in the traffic.

Once we got over there and I decided to explore. The island was quaint with no high rises; just houses and 2-3 level condos. It was really undeveloped. I rode out to St Georges Island State Park at the far eastern end of the island. It was beautiful, reminding me of Cumberland Island; undeveloped, big sugar sand dunes, and desolate beaches. I spent 2 hours just hanging out in one of the pavilions by the beach. I took a little nap on one of the picnic tables. It was so nice. I strolled in the water and just vegged out.

I rode back to the center of the island and had a stiff headwind for 8 miles.  I saw Julie at the rest stop. She was decked out in a skin tight blue racing suit with a hood. It was the type you see Lance wear in a time trial. It looked good on her. I chatted with her for awhile and then went to get something to eat. I ate at the Blue Parrot overlooking the beach. It was so nice just sitting there looking at the beach. I had a fried grouper basket. It was there that I met Anne Boone from Atlanta. She was on the ride with her boyfriend. She was a real chatter box. She just came up to me and suggested I try the Key Lime pie. I introduced myself. Turned out we both new Larry. She had ridden RAGBRIA with him last year. This morphed into a discussion on dancing. I ended up giving her a quick dance lesson right in the middle of the restaurant. I would have liked to have a beer and just look out at the beach, but I knew if I did I would not want to get on the bike. I left after awhile to head back to Apalachicola.

I checked out the town and found a bar down by the waterfront to relax in (Boss Oyster). I came back to have dinner and it was quite busy. I sat at the bar and ate dinner. I had a fried oyster salad and a couple glasses of wine. I later strolled over to the armory where there was a folk artist performing. I saw Larry and my friend JP (Jean-Pierre from San Mateo) there. Both of them were turning in early. I went back to my tent and lay on my cot for awhile as the group from Cycle Logistics were up late partying, drinking, and chatting. Our tents were very close (within inches of each other) and I was close to the group who was sitting up drinking and chatting. I dozed off and woke up later realizing that I had been sleeping on my back and, with the wine, had probably been snoring in a big way. When I woke in the morning, I could hear people talking and saying things like; “did you hear that noise”, “where was it coming from?” One guy even said he had once slept next to a generator and it reminded him on that experience. I figured that were talking about my snoring. I waited awhile for them to get over it and then snuck out of my tent.

Sopchoppy

I rode out alone. I had broken another tent pole as I was getting out of my tent so I needed to get to a hardware store to buy another piece of pipe. I was going to ride with Larry and the girls but I left early to get to a hardware store. I rode along Route 98 (Gulf Coast Highway) to Carrabelle. It was a really nice ride next to the water. It was sunny with a slight on shore breeze.

I saw Larry and Cathy at the 1st rest stop, but I wanted to relax and enjoy Carrabelle Beach. I rode easy up to the next stop. It was a newly paved road right along the water. After the rest stop, the road turned inland to go to Sopchoppy. An optional loop was down to Ochlocknee State Park. Few of the riders went down into it and I was glad I did. What a nice State Park right by a beautiful river. While there I met up with Larry, Cathy, and Diane. We chatted about what we did the day before. I told Larry about meeting Anne Boone and the dance lesson. On hearing this, Cathy said she wanted a dance lesson so right there in the road at Ochlocknee State Park, I gave her a Zydeco lesson. She said it was the high point of her week. Figured she must not get out much. I stayed in the park a few minutes to enjoy the quiet and the scenery.

I then rode up Route 98 to get to Sopchoppy. It was kind of a lonely road. I rode into the center of town, which was not much; one block of stores and one stop sign. I ate lunch with some black ladies who were all dressed up in their best Sunday clothes (hats and dresses) and selling food to the bikers. They were all enthralled with meeting us and asking us questions. They all wanted to feel my bike seat and could not believe I would spend hours on such a narrow thing. It was nice sitting and chatting with these ladies.

I found my camp site about 2 miles out of town and set up under a nice shady pine tree. We had a nice meal of Jambalaya for dinner. We also had a worm grunting demo and had a rhythm and blues band play for us. It was a southern rock band and all of the songs sounded alike.

That night I was being careful not to snore. I had no alcohol and rested on my side. Then everyone else started in. All around me was loud snoring. It was a snoring concert. I guess I got my payback for the prior night. We had a terrific thunderstorm at 3 am. There was lots of thunder and sheet lighting. Some packed up and went for shelter. I figured that without wind and with no lightening bolts, it was ok. Later is poured. My tent stayed dry but some woke to find themselves in deep puddles. I awoke to a heavy mist / light drizzle in the morning.

Back to Monticello

I ate breakfast with Julie and Morgan. Morgan thanked me again for such a nice night of dancing at Bubba’s Karaoke party. I headed out alone in the mist / drizzle. I was supposed to ride with JP but I missed him. I rode a steady pace. I skipped the first rest stop as I was anxious to get the ride over. I made it to the next one, which was off the St Marks bike trail. I refueled and rested but I was soaked and really really dirty from the road spray. I didn’t want to cool down so I headed out again. It continued to drizzle. I rode hard for the next segment doing a 19-20 mph. After the third rest stop, I let up a little bit. I had 20 miles to go to get to Monticello. It also started to get hilly. It stopped raining and got sunny and muggy as I cruised into Monticello.

Just as I pulled into the school parking lot, I saw Cathy approaching me. She had got in early and had obviously just showered. She was dressed in a really nice white sleeveless blouse and khaki shorts. She was walking to her car when she saw me and said “Oh, there you are!” I felt exhilarated from just finishing the ride and impulsively reached out with one arm and gave her a hug and a kiss. I caught her a little by surprise. I also realized I had just wrapped my road grimed, sun screened, sweaty, rain soaked, chest, arm and hands on her clean white sleeveless blouse. I probably left a lot of marks and stains. Oh well. I met up with Larry to say goodbye. Cathy and Diane came by and wanted him to go out to lunch with them. He wasn’t that interested. Said he needed to find Jack. They said “Oh you can bring him along”. Diana said “Oh Jim, you’re invited too”. No thanks. I wanted to rest, get some food, and then get on the road. So didn’t Larry. Said goodbye and that we’d see each other next year. This was the 4th year I’d ridden with Larry. We both ride the same pace and enjoy each others company. I ate lunch in the school with Frenchy from Lewiston, ME. He said he hadn’t ridden all winter and just finished a 400 mile ride with the rest of us. Frenchy is 67 yrs old!

Any way it was a great week and a great ride!

My Winter in Leisureville

In 2010, Anne and I spent the winter months of January and February at The Villages in Florida. The Villages is a large 55+ retirement community located in central Florida about 30 miles south of Ocala. When I say large, its about 13 miles long and about 7 miles wide and has a population of about 75,000. It is a collection of 60 neighborhoods called Villages that are grouped around numerous golf courses, recreation centers, and neighborhood pools.

The Villages is a developed community that began in the early 1970’s by a Michigan businessman named Harold Schwartz.

He purchased a small mobile home park, called Orange Blossom Park, that was surrounded by cow pastures. Schwartz’s vision was to create a place where average folks could retire and live like millionaires. What started out as a mobile home park with a few hundred units has turned into a sprawling community with over 35,000 homes. It’s been hugely successful and continues to grow with 200 -300 new homes being sold each month.

When you look at The Villages you can see Schwartz’s vision take shape. All the roads are winding (no grids or blocks), most have sidewalks, landscape islands, street lights, and bike/cart paths. There are strict standards for house designs, house colors, landscaping, signs, and land use. Most of the houses are medium sized (under 2,000 sq, ft) and are designed to look like small mansions.

It can look a little homogeneous, but everything from the lawns, roads, and golf courses is beautifully maintained. It looks a little like Disney World. And its all very affordable. You can buy a small 2 bedroom Villa for about $150,000 or a 3 bedroom Designer home for about $225,000. For those wanting more, there are custom Premier homes that go anywhere from $350,000 to $800,000.

The big draw for The Villages is the Lifestyle. The Villages fosters a very active lifestyle. When we first visited in 2009, the lady giving us a tour told us that if we wanted to retire and spend our time inside reading, then The Village was not the right place for us. One of the big activities is golf. There are 28 golf courses that residents can play for free. There are 9 championship country clubs courses that residents pay $30-40 to play a round.

There are 21 recreation centers that have tennis courts, billiard rooms, meeting rooms, swimming pools, shuffle board courts, and horse shoe pits.

Everyday you see people out being active; walking, biking, playing tennis, playing softball, golfing, playing shuffleboard, etc.  All are free to use by the residents. There are 25 neighborhood pools for the residents with most within walking distance. Softball is also very big. There are 4 leagues with over 100 teams competing. There are clubs for almost every activity you can think of. In the local recreation newspaper, I counted almost 300 clubs. For my interests, there are two cycling clubs, a motorcycle club, bluegrass music club, several dance clubs, and a NASCAR club. There’s even a Woodworking shop for residents to use for a small fee.

There are two town centers in The Villages; Spanish Springs and Lake Sumter landing. They were built by the developer and each has a design theme.

Spanish Springs is designed to look like an old Mexican town and Lake Sumter Landing is designed to look like a turn of the century fishing village. Each town center has numerous businesses and eateries. Also, there are music events each night, 7 days a week at the town squares that are free for the residents. 


During our stay we tried to take advantage of what The Villages offered. We took three dance classes (West Coast Swing, Country 2 Step, and Beginner Line Dancing) offer by The Villages Lifelong College. The dance classes were fun and the instructors were very good, but taking three classes each week sort of overloaded our brains when it came to remembering all the moves. Things tended to blend together when I’d do a Swing move while 2 Stepping. But we had fun and laughed a lot as we screwed up the moves. 

I also shipped a bike down and went biking 2-3 time per week. It was easy to do a 15-30 mile loop ride within the Villages using all the cart paths and lanes. I played a lot of golf, usually playing 3-4 times per week. The computerized tee time system would match me up with other players so I never had to worry about finding people to play with.  During our stay, I played over 30 rounds of golf on 18 different courses.

One aspect of the Villages that is pretty cool is the preferred mode of transportation is a golf cart. Everyone seems to have one and you can go anywhere in the Villages in a golf cart. All the roads are built with special lanes for the carts and there are cart paths bordering the major road ways. There are tunnels under the major roadways so you can even go to most stores and restaurants in the cart. During our stay we rented an electric golf cart from the owner of our unit. Most people have their names painted on their carts and ours had the names Oscar and Barbara, from the previous owners. I went everywhere in Oscar and would rarely use the car.  I’d use Oscar to go to the golf course, to dance classes, out to lunch, to the bank, to dances at the town square or to go to the store. Oscar did about 20 mph when I had the accelerator petal mashed to the floor and it was fast enough. I got so use to driving Oscar that on one day when I drove Anne’s Corolla, I tried to take it on the cart path. Anne looked at me like I was nuts, but my brain had been re-programmed to drive the cart.

Most everyone I met in the Villages was engaging and very happy. When you passed people out walking or saw someone in their driveway they’d always say hi or wave. With most people being retired and not having to work, I’m sure that was a factor. Being in warm lovely sunny place was probably another factor. And with most bars, country clubs, and restaurants having 2-1 drink specials all day long, that could have been another factor. I met 10-15 new people every week. All were engaging and nice folks. The people I met were great ambassadors for the Villages. A sample of a few of the memorable folks I met are described below.

There was Nancy and Mark who I met on the golf course one day. They have lived in the Villages for nine years and are in their late 60’s. I remembered Nancy because on the second hole I landed my drive in a huge sand trap. It took me three trys to get the ball out of the trap. When I finally got the ball on the green, she came up to me, stood in front of my face, and chewed me out for not following thru on my swing. “You didn’t follow thru on your swing. You just didn’t follow thru!!!” she said. I didn’t know what to say to this lady who was in my face giving me hell for not swinging my club right. Instinctively, all I could think was that I should say “Yes Mom, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”, but I just said “Yup”. I figured Nancy's motherly instincts had got the best of her when she gave me the advice and I now remember it each time I land in a trap. Nancy’s advice was sound; the ball does come out of the sand when you swing all the way thru the ball.

There was Jack and Marjorie who I also met on the golf course. Jack and Marjorie have been spending winters in the Villages for the past 5 years and had just bought a home so they could spend six months out of each year in The Villages. They play golf every day and both hit the ball very well. We were playing with another fellow named Doug. Doug and Jack were talking about retiring and Doug happened to mention something about being born in 1943. Jack stopped and looked at him and said “I graduated from high school in 1943!”. When I heard this my mind quickly did the math and figured out that Jack was 85. He didn’t look anywhere near 85 years old; maybe more like early 70. It made me think and hope that I’m out playing golf everyday when I’m 85.

I played golf with Eddy on a cold windy day. Eddy is a short stocky man from New Jersey. He has lived full time in The Villages for the past 5 years. Eddy is sort of a character and each time he spoke he sounded just like Joe Pesci. If I closed my eyes and listened to Eddy, I swore I was in the movie “Good Fella’s”. Budda Boom Budda Bing. It was a riot listening to him each time he said “I can’t believe it's so freaking cold!“ Eddy hit the ball pretty good and usually out drove me. He floored me when he said “Once I turned 70, my game went to freaking hell!”. Eddy was a good golfer and must have been really great in his younger years.

I met Barbara while I was eating lunch at the local sports bar watching the Patriots get beat by the Ravens. Barbara took the seat next to me at the bar crowded with Patriot fans. Barbara is a retired school teacher. She is divorced and has been living full time in the Villages for the past 2 years. Like most of the snowbirds in the bar, Barbara is a huge Patriots fan. I happened to ask her how she likes living in the Villages. She told me that once she retired, she was living alone and would spend most of her time indoors watching sports on TV. She said “Jim, in the winter I’d spend each week-end on the couch watching 4 football games and 8 basketball games”. “I came down here and now I’m in three golf leagues and play golf every day”. “I can’t imagine going back to my old life” she said. It was a great endorsement for The Villages.

I enjoyed my time in the Villages. It was a different lifestyle than I am used to, but one that I enjoyed. I was active everyday doing something. It was nice being able to spend so much time outside during the winter months. It was easy to get involved in any group or club.  I learned some new things and constantly interacted with nice people. It was nice having everything so close and convenient. Oscar could take me anywhere I needed to go. I could walk to the library or supermarket in 10 mins. The local sports bar was a 5 min cart ride. I had six golf courses within a 10 min cart ride. If I wanted to play golf, I would just get on the computer and request a tee time. The local town square was a 15 min ride in Oscar. Most franchise restaurants and stores were nearby. The local pool was a 5 min walk. I could have overloaded myself with more activities and clubs, if I wanted, but the golfing, dancing, walking, and bike riding was enough.

The only downside that I perceived during my stay was that I spent most of my time on leisure type activities. It was fun for two months, but I could sense myself getting a little bored as we came to the end of our stay. I hadn’t picked up a hammer, cut a piece of wood, made an investment decision, or fixed anything in weeks and was getting anxious to doing something productive. By the end of our stay I was looking forward to going home but also looking forward to coming back next year.

Our neighbor, Tony from Wisconsin, told me that the worse day I’ll have in The Villages will be the day I leave. He was right.

Goin' Green

As this year winds down, I reflected upon some of the things I did and realized I had started to go green. Yup, I, Mr. corporate executive had made the transformation. This year I heard a lot about things going green; there’s green energy, green buildings, green technology, green industries, and even green investing in green companies.

I didn’t plan out that I was going to go green this year. I wasn’t trying to save the planet or keep the polar ice caps from melting. But when I looked back, I could count several things that came out green. Here are some examples;

- I expanded my garden this year, doubling its size. I planted lot of vegetables and low and behold the green ones produced the best! The yellow ones did ok. The orange ones did so so, and the red ones where a total failure. When I blanched up the green ones to freeze them, they turned even greener. While the garden is gone by, we’re still eating the green ones from the freezer.

- I had a pretty good year day trading in the stock market. Its kind of a hobby and I took about $20K and turned it into $30K. This was not a paper gain, but real green cash I made from buying and selling stocks. It made my wife was green with envy.

- I refurbished one of the upstairs bedrooms and painted the room a light green color. It’s actually a very light paint color called “Summer Eclipse”, but it’s still green.

- I just installed insulating cellular shades in another room. I chose the color Verdi, which I think is Italian for green. They look more like sage, but it’s still green. They’re supposed to save me cash on my heating bill. They also qualify for the Federal energy savings tax credit which means I will send less of my green cash to the government.


- I started shopping at Sam’s club to save even more of my green cash. I also purchased some large re-usable green colored shopping bags to make it easier to lug all my purchases.


- At our home, the ground is now white covered with snow. But shortly, Anne and I are going to Florida for two months where it stays green year round. I could do without a white Christmas and would rather have it be green.

As you can see, I made a pretty good effort at going green. I may not be savings the polar bears and Al Gore may not think much of my efforts, but in a few weeks when I tee up a golf ball and hit it towards the green, it’s going to feel pretty darn good.

This Old House

We built our home in the late 80's, so it’s not that old. But some poor design, some poor installation, some cheap materials, and some neglect contributed to some much needed repairs.  Other than painting, we had not done much on exterior repairs. I targeted the fall of 2009 to put in a very focused effort on doing house repairs. It would be like my own series of “This Old House”.

The work started in mid September right after my last summer camping trip. I put the camper away and put on my tool belt for the next 8 weeks.

Episode 1 – The Window Sills

The biggest problem needing to be addressed was several rotted window sills. The windows we have are a good name brand. They’re all wood with energy efficient sashes and wooden storm inserts. I kept up with the painting, but the exterior sills and trim are made with finger jointed pine vs. solid wood pieces. The fingered jointed wood rotted easily once water got into the joints. Also, the house has very small overhangs and no gutters, which doesn’t allow rain and snow to shed off the roof and away from the house.

I planned to replace three of the sills on my own and hire a contractor to replace seven sills on the 2nd floor. The budget: $1,350. The timeframe: one week

The results – The first contractor I contacted seemed really interested in doing the work and was very familiar with the problems I was having with my brand of windows. He came right over within 2 hours of my call, gave me a rough price per window, and then never showed up or returned any of my calls. Luckily I hadn’t given him any money. The next guy I contacted was a local home improvement contractor who was eager for the work. He was very responsive and could start my work in about a week.  He gave me a good estimate for the work (about half of what I estimated it would take), had good references, so we signed a contract for him to repair the seven windows.

My three sills turned into four and I ended up replacing all the trim on the four windows. The contractor finished his seven windows after 3 weeks vs. the 1 week he had estimated. Weather and waiting for materials caused most of his delay. I also help him rebuild a few of the windows that needed more internal repairs.  Together, we rebuilt a total of eleven windows.

I also found nine storm windows that had rotted pieces. I bought three new storm windows. I ended up rebuilding six of the storm windows, taking them apart and fabricating new parts in my shop. This saved me about $1,000. I had to replace and/or refinish eight interior window sills and also did this work in the shop.


I also had to replace eleven clapboards. The actual costs: $2,184. The timeframe: three weeks.

Episode 2 – Interior Painting

While taking the windows out of the front guest room for repair, I noticed that the 22 year old paint in the room was really marked up and dingy. So, I took a week-end and repainted the ceiling and walls, giving it a new color, put up some new art work we had laying around, did a major clean-out of the room. The costs: $52. The timeframe: 2 days. 

The same thing happened in one of the upstairs bedrooms. While taking the interior trim off the windows, I noticed that the 22 year old wall paper was falling off in several places. Anne and I have been wanting to do over this room for some time. I started pulling off some of the wall paper and couldn't stop. I ended up ripping it all off and took another week-end to paint the ceiling and walls and did another major room cleaning. The costs: $31. The timeframe: 2 days

And the same thing happened in the upstairs bathroom.  I decided to scrape, clean, and sand the ceiling and walls to remove mildew and flaking paint.  Then applied some new paint.  This was a little more involved and took about a week.  The costs:  $53.

Episode 3 - The Garage

The paint of the garage had been showing signs of peeling fading, and cracking.  I also had a section of damaged trim on one of the garage doors from a squirrel attack.  (When Anne went to Maine for 4-5 weeks this summer to care for her Mom, I stopped feeding the birds and, coincidently, the squirrels.  The squirrels got really pissed and one night knawed away several inches of a 1x5 piece of trim to get into the garage and eat the sunflower seeds.)  I really really hate to scrape and paint, so I slowly undertook this work scraping and washing a section at a time when there wasn't something more interesting to do.  Over the course of 8 weeks I got it all done.  I had all the paint left over from last year when I hired my son, Liam, to paint the house.  I enlisted the help of my youngest son, Cavin, who helped with some of the scraping and painting.  I had to buy a new trim board, but that was it for expenses.  Also, bought more BB's for the BB gun to "deal" with the squirrels.


Episode 4 – The Bay Window (part 1)

The next planned action was to address the rotted wood on the bump-out bay window on the rear of the house. The window had rotted sills, rotted trim, and a rotted sash. This would be the last remaining window in the house that needed repair and the last planned repair.


I sat down with the contractor who did the window sills and we priced out putting a new window in vs. re-builiding the existing one. The re-build was much less expensive. So we signed another contract to take out the bay window unit, re-build it, replace all the rotted trim and support, and put it back in. The budget: $2,300. The timeframe: one week

Before taking the window out, we found some of the window supports were rotted. We also found a major water problem with rain collecting and running behind the clapboards surrounding the window. We found more rotted clapboards, more rotted trim, some rotted structure supports, and rotted shiething.

The source of the water was a rotted clapboard and window sill on the second floor. Also the drip edge on the roof above the window was allowing water from the roof to run down the clapboards vs. falling away from the house. The drip edge on this part of the roof was never installed properly when we built the house. I decided we needed to replace the drip end and put up a gutter on the back of the house to solve the water problem around the bay window. The contractor agreed to do this work for $1,500 and would do it prior to taking out the bay window.

While replacing the drip edge and removing a few courses of shingles, the contractor noticed that the shingles on the dormer roof were very weathered, brittle, and cracked. While they were a 30 year shingle, the low pitch of the dormer roof and poor insulation (addressed earlier this year) allowed snow and ice dams to build up on this section of the roof causing damage to the shingles. Plus they had 22 yrs on them. While we were fixing the drip edge, it made sense to have the contractor replace all the shingles on the dormer. While he was up on the roof, the contractor also noticed that the ridge vents had developed cracks in them, the joints were coming un-done, and they were coming un-nailed. As part of the re-shingling project, I decided to have him replace the ridge vents to avoid a problem. His estimate to do the additional roofing was very high. I challenged his numbers and found he had calculated the shingles wrong and priced them way too high. I called another building supply and got the shingles for a much cheaper price. Saved myself over $600 by challenging his numbers. The cost for this work would be $2,650.

The contractor stripped the dormer roof the next day. He installed a temporary cover on the dormer roof, by just temporarily tacking down some ice and water barrier material that he would use under the shingles. The next day it rained and we didn’t have any leaks until the wind came up in the afternoon and blew off the barrier material he had tacked down. The first sign of trouble was my son coming down stairs and telling me he had water dripping down inside one of his windows. Next we had water coming in his closet and in through the bath room fixtures. I immediately called the contractor, who came right over and put a huge tarp over the dormer. He agreed to dry out and/or replace any wet or damaged insulation. Luckily none of the ceilings or walls were damaged. I was pretty rattled by this and wanted to get the dormer re-shingled asap since we had good weather forecasted for the next 2 days before more rain would arrive. The contractor assured me he could easily finish the roof in the next 2 days. The next day the contractor didn’t show up until 11:40 am and only worked until 2:40 am. I asked if he could finish the roof in the next day and he assured me he could and that he’d be on site first thing with help. Well, the next day came and no contractor showed up. At 10:00 am I called his cell and got no answer. So, I drove to his home, which is about 4 miles away, to see if I could track him down. I found him at home drinking coffee and watching cartoons with his young daughter!  Had all I could do to not blow a gaskget. I asked if he was going to work on my roof today and he assured me he would be right over. I told him I was very concerned with his ability to get the job done before the next rain and that I was prepared to file a claim against his insurance policy to dry out my attic and file a claim against his license with the state to get someone else to finish the job, if he didn’t get it done. That was all the spark needed to light a flame under his rear-end. He showed up within the hr with 2 helpers and got most the roof shingling done, working until it was dark out.  He showed up early the day and finished all the roofing.

Episode 5 - The Bay Window (part 2)

Now that all the water problems were solved we could focus on the bay window.  The plan was to take the complete window unit out and have the contractor rebuild it in his shop.  This was suppose to take a couple of days.  The window came out on a Tuesday and a temporary cover was put over the rough opening.  After a week, I called to see when we could expect the window to be put back in.  I got a list of excuses; the contractor's sister had a stroke and was in the hospital, he needed to order a special router bit to rebuild the sash, and there was more rot on the window than he had expected.  Ok, so I asked when he would start working on replacing the supports and he assured me he would be onsite the next day and assured me he had all the material for fix the supports.  The next day came and no contractor.  So I called him and left a message that he needed to show up on the next day or I would initiate action with the state to file a claim against him.  That seemed to work as he called back and apologized for not showing up and told me he had just picked up the material to fix the supports (which on the previous day he told me he already had) and would be onsite on Thursday morning.  Well, he showed up at 11:00 am the next day and worked till 5:30 pm.  He got the support structure fixed and put the bay window unit back in.

 He assured me he'd be back the next day to finish the last trim and clapbaord work.  Well, Friday came, and while it rained a little in the morning, the contractor was a no show.  I called him a left a message that I was leaving for Maine on the next Tuesday morning and would be gone for about a week.  Monday came and no contractor, so I called him at 10:00 am and he told me he was on his way over (he lives about 4 miles away).  He showed up an hour later and finished most of the window trim, but ran out of material.  I helped him out by priming the wood parts and re-insulating the windows.  He promised me he would be onsite "first thing" on Tuesday morning to finish everything before I left for Maine.  He arrived a little after 10:00 am and did get most of the work done by 12:30 pm.  I reluctantly paid him and was glad to be done with him.  I ended up sanding, caulking, and puttying the window unit to get it ready for painting (something he should have done).

 The total cost for all of this work (that started with the bay window): $6,450. The time frame: four weeks.

Episode 6 - The Summary

What started out to be about 2-3 weeks of work ended up being more like 9 weeks.  From a budget perspective, I had planned to spend around $6,000 on the repairs.  The actual costs for all the work and materials that I purchased was $8,900.  For all that, I got following work done;

- 11 windows rebuilt
- 9 storm windows fixed,
- a new dormer roof,
- new ridge vents,
- a new facia board, drip edge, and gutter on the dormer
- bay window unit re-built,
- 3 rooms cleaned out and repainted
- garage painted and trim fixed.

It felt good to get this all done and knowing that I won't have to deal with it for another 20 years.

I also learned that I could be in the home improvement business, if I wanted.  Having learned the basics in high school and from building furniture as a hobby for 30 years, I was fortunate to be able to do alot of the work myself.  I also found I do better quality work and have a better work ethic than the local competition.  There may be a J Dawg Home Repair Service start up.

Dancing with Lola

I met her in a club down in old Soho,
Where you drink champagne, and
It tastes just like cherry-cola.

We have a small condo in Maine that we use as a weekend and vacation getaway. It’s right across the harbor from Portland, which has become an eclectic tourist city with waterfront shops, fine restaurants, and a broad offering of art programs. One of the things we both enjoy doing on the week-ends is to see if there’s a club or dance that we can go out to and apply some of our recently acquired ballroom dancing skills. Each time we went to Maine, I had noticed that the a certain ballroom dance studio advertised a dance each Saturday night at their studio in Portland. So this one weekend we go up to Maine and I suggest to Anne that we check out the Saturday night dance at this ballroom studio. We arrive at 8pm and see that the dance is just underway with about 15 –18 people. The dancers display a variety of skills from advanced to beginner, which is perfect for us being at the intermediate stage. We hang our coats up, put on our dancing shoes, go out on the large dance floor and immediately start with a Cha-Cha.

She walked up to me and she asked me to dance,
I ask her name, and
In a dark brown voice she said, Lola.

We dance to a few numbers and Anne says she needs to use the lady’s room. I go to sit down at the far end of the room and before my butt hits the chair a tall blond woman walks up to me and asks if I’d like to dance. She’s wearing a flame red long sleeve stretch top and tight black jeans. Her hair is actually dark underneath blond highlighting. It’s tussled but shoulder length and falling down over her eyes, which sort of obscures her face. I also notice her voice is raspy and a lot lower than I would have expected for a woman. Having taken dancing lessons for the past two years, our instructors encouraged us to dance with different partners when-ever possible to improve our technique (learn to “drive other cars” is what my teacher Roxanna said). A Foxtrot number has just started, which is my least favorite dance, but I answer “Sure” to this woman’s request. We go into dance position (mans right elbow out and right hand around woman’s left should blade, woman left hand rests on mans right bicep, and mans left and woman right hands joined at shoulder height and cocked at the elbows). Before I start to lead the dance, I ask her name and she says in her low raspy voice, “I’m Michelle”.

Well I’m not the world’s most physical guy,
But when she squeezed me tight,
She nearly broke my spine.

We start to Foxtrot, which is a slow, slow, quick, quick pattern called the Magic Step. Through the first patterns of the dance I notice a couple of things about Michelle. She is about 5’ 10” and medium build. She is not quite as supple or delicate as I would expect a woman to be. Not that all woman feel alike, but Michelle’s back, arms, and hands are firm like those of an athlete. I also notice, she’s not graceful but instead a little clumsy. After a couple promenades and turns, I figure she probably doesn’t know the Foxtrot that well so I keep it simple to the basic magic step pattern. After the first turn around the floor, I notice Michelle is getting into the dance. Her dance position starts to change to be more aggressive like a Tango. She juts out my left hand into the air at the 10 o’clock position. We sort of look like John Travolta on the cover of Saturday Night Fever. I also sense that she wants to lead. She moves here right hand up from my bicep to the ball of my shoulder, takes a firm grasp and pulls me closer. I realize that she’s leading me down the dance floor doing long Tango strides to the FoxTrot.

Well I’m not dumb but I can’t understand,
Why she walked like a woman,
But talked like a man.

This just doesn’t feel right. The voice, the build, the obscured face, the dancing style. I start to think - perhaps “Michelle” is not what I think she is. I glance down to her chest. She’s wearing a tight stretch top with a V-neck. Being a little taller than her, I should be able to see maybe some cleavage or at least an outline of her breasts. But there’s no cleavage and no outline. “Michelle’s” chest is flatter than a teenage school boy’s. And that’s when I start to get the sinking feel that something is very wrong. It’s almost the same feeling you get after you realize you just drank from someone else’s glass or when you realize you just stepped in dog shit. Like Archie Bunker used to say when the MeatHead said something that made him uncomfortable; “Ah Jeez”. The woman I’m dancing with is not a woman.

Well I’m not the world’s most masculine man,
But I know what I am and I’m glad I’m a man, and
So is Lola

All this happened in the two minutes that Anne turned her back on me to go take a leak. I can’t wait for the dance to end. My mind is racing. What will Anne think when she comes out of the lady’s room and doesn’t find me sitting where she left me but instead sees that I’m on the dance floor with this strange blond woman (who’s really not a woman) doing Tango strides to the FoxTrot?

Luckily the dance ends and just as I’m breaking with “Michelle”, Anne appears next to us and says to me, “So there you are. I wondered where you were, then I see you dancing with this blond woman.” I say sheepishly, “ Oh, Hi Anne, this is Michelle”. Anne say’s Hi and Michelle responds in her low raspy voice “Hi Honey. You don’t want to leave this one sitting by himself for very long!”

We break and Anne and I go over and sit down and I tell her what happened. She starts giggling when I tell her I think Michelle is really a guy. I didn’t think it was that funny. I watch Michelle grab her next unknowing partner and step onto the floor. Ray Davies voice enters my head and starts singing a song from the Kinks,

Well that’s the way that I want it to stay, and
I always want it to be that way for my Lola.
Girls will be boys and boys will be girls
It’s a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world
Except for Lola,
Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo Lola.